So, a few years ago, I had this idea for The Garden for the Missing in Second Life.  I envisioned a lot of posters of missing people, and hoped that I could do my small part to possibly help locate some of them.

It wasn’t until I met people who are searching for their loved ones, however, that I came to learn those who are missing are hardly the only victims. Listening to the stories of families of the missing was, to make an understatement, eye-opening.

• One mother is certain her son was murdered by a former police officer, but the department never managed to investigate despite the fact this same officer was the last one seen with her son, AND the last person seen with another missing young man the year before.
• A missing young man’s DNA was lost four times over the years before it was finally entered into the national missing persons database.
• People claiming to be psychics led one man on months and months of traveling road after road in fruitless searches for his missing daughter.
• Some people who offer to help families of the missing deliver nothing but broken promises, and when they are not trained in missing persons, they can actually make fatal mistakes,  dealing very damaging blows to the cases.
• When someone goes missing, it’s not uncommon for a family’s friends to suddenly vanish from their lives. They don’t know what to say, so they just halt all contact. But with others, surmised one mom of a missing son said, “it’s because they think it could be contagious.”
• Some friends who do stick around say rather idiotic things like “get over it” or “get on with your life.” Family members, too, can take this stance with someone determined to find their loved one.
• And countless times, a family of a missing adult has a terrible time getting law enforcement to understand they are missing under suspicious circumstances. “They have a right to walk away from their lives” is law enforment’s mantra in the first crucial days when leads are fresh.
• Along those lines, I’ve heard a few law enforcement officers say that “99 percent of the time, missing people come walking in the door.” I’d like to see those stats, please. In just the three years since I started The Garden for the Missing, I have placed 50 people in the Remembrance area and 12 were found safe. (I must say, God bless those law enforcement officers who DO take the cases seriously right away.)
• A woman owned two houses with her husband: one that they were renovating; and one in which they lived. When he disappeared, she could not afford the two mortgages and ended up homeless.
• In fact, many are impacted financially: the parents who co-signed on a missing child’s car must continue the payments; the sister who takes leaves of absences from her job goes without pay to return to the area where her brother disappeared; the grandmom who now suddenly must care for her missing daughter’s four children while dealing with the loss of her daughter. And they all must, meanwhile, continue their search.

Over the years, I’ve heard plenty of jaw-droppers. So, I’m starting this blog to air, in one place, some of the things that happen to families of the missing.

As I said, it’s about the stuff I didn’t know…